To Mom with love

I was never the kind that openly show my feelings. Of course when I am extremely angry it shows on my face. But to gently say something sweet, full of soft emotions, now that, I don't usually do. It seems weird. And it's even weirder when you feel like expressing it, but it's just not you. And you know it.

So when it's Mother's Day, that little feeling of wanting to tell my mom I love her amplified to an extent I almost said it out. Almost. So now, why is it so hard to tell somebody you really love her? This is totally different from, let's say, the time when you just couldn't find the courage to tell that girl you like her. Different. This is about not openly showing that feeling for so long, that when you finally wanted to openly expressed it, you forgot how to. Strange, but true.

So in the end, I quietly went to buy a cake, asked my dad to cook something decent, and we had a family dinner together, while watching Alonso trashed Micheal. Some celebration huh? Oh well, maybe someday I'll remember how to tell my mom, and my dad, I love them. As of now, all I remember is to help them as much as I can and be that good boy at home.

The pain

You know, you never really stop to feel it, don't you?

When I reached home the other day, and saw my mom on the bed, I felt so so sad. I touched her hand, and realised that I have not touched her hands for the longest time. Ever since I could not remember when. And when I touched her, I could almost felt her pain. And I just wanna let go and cry. But I couldn't. It was too much for me to take.

You know, you never really stop to feel it, don't you, the touch of your mother's hand?

And so it is

I'm back home.

In a flash, things that you think will never happen usually have a knack of happening when you least expected it. I feel bad, for worrying about exams, or my CAP, or my score. When the very things that I should be worried about were staring at my face. You know that adage about how the real problems in life are those that will blindside you on an idle Sunday afternoon? How true, how true.

I was lamenting about how I was always fighting fire before exams. Little did I know my family was fighting fire too, literally. And I am really feeling down for all these things to happen. I couldn't do a thing to help or to make things better. I wish I could turn back time, and all this wouldn't happen. But you know I know I can't.

And so it is, here I am, back home. Torn between two responsibilities. Sorry, I have different moral standards, and different values from yours. If only I have the ability to split myself. Please don't laugh.